Monday, March 03, 2008

How did we get here from there?

Its never been smooth sailing since this kid first pinged onto the radar. In the 18th or 19th week of my pregnancy I began experiencing lovely regular and measurable contractions which sent me to the hospital several times. The upshot of that was that i spent about 8 or 9 weeks in the hospital on mag sulfate and brethine (terbutaline) constantly. New iv every 3 days to prevent infection. My hands looked like pin cushions.

He arrived around 38 weeks and ever after I have felt both cheated and annoyed by the apparently fraudulent preterm labor.

When he was 3 weeks old we moved far away from everyone we knew to Cincinnati and dh started his PhD program.

As an infant he seemed fine to me. No one else could really hold him or satisfy him but that seemed right. He liked me best. Who could blame him? He nursed around the clock. Why not? He was inconsolable if left to cry. You shouldnt let them cry anyway!

As a toddler he was quick and caught on to all sorts of things. He was flinging insults by age three, telling the child advocate who did his Denver assessment (a developmental screeening tool through Parents as Teachers) that she bored him. he started prek at 3, right after his brother was born. His preschool teachers told me he was the angriest kid they had ever seen- the sibling issues rolled in upon the birth of his brother. The next year's teacher seemed to not noticeanything amiss and he thrived with her. At 6 he went to kindergarten at a local public montessori in Cincinnati where the fun truly began. At our first conference his teacher assured me he was one of the smartest little kids she'd ever seen and then told me he had ADD, ODD, SID and had possibly been molested (he peed in the trashcan in the boy's bathroom on a dare- an obvious sign of sexual abuse???)

In first grade he was identified as behind academically (montessori doesnt transition smoothly to standard curriculum). he was given title one 1:1 reading services and caught up in about 5 months. Behavior wise he was apparently behind. Things like chewing on strings from his clothing or his sleeves or neck of shirts were constantly causing him to "pull cards." Stubborness was another issue in the classroom. His teacher seemed to feel he was of average (and possibly below) intelligence. I asked for testing and accomodations for his dx'ed motor issues and told them he was a very smart kid. The principle looked me in the eye and said, "We have had the focus (gifted) testing. We'll see just how smart he is."

And that was the end of our school career.

In the past while he has been difficult- typically he is mouthy and argumentative- he has never been as defiant and angry as he has in the past year. Whether hormones have reared up and cursed us or whether its just all the moves (3 in 4 years now) and instability I do not know.

Perhaps its just shitty parenting. I can see my husband and I making some mistakes as we deal with this poor first (experimental) child.

I just pray we make it through the next few years because if this is rough I can not imagine what it will be like with a 16 year old.

2 comments:

Suburban Correspondent said...

Around 11 even boys with "normal" temperament get rough. Since yours tends to go to extremes, he could be rougher. Did you ever get a private evaluation done (i.e., not with the school district)? Those can be helpful, sometimes. Friends of ours have an adolescent daughter who was diagnosed with Aspergers years ago - when she hit 13, they had to put her on Prozac for a bit, things were so unbearable.

Mistakes? Gosh, mistakes with your firstborn? Gee, who would ever make those?

Sarah said...

the private eval is what we are in pursuit of now. :D