WHEN DEVILS ATTACK! (rarely)

As seen on the Sonlight forums by the very funny Shellie:

YOU ARE NOT UNDER ATTACK FROM THE DEVIL WHEN:
Your car breaks down. Things just do, unless you define "devil" as "the law of entropy," or "sloppy engineering."

You experience financial hardship. It happens: see Adam Smith and Karl Marx for details.
You get sick. See "pathogen" and "carcinogen."

Your arthritis returns. Mama told you not to crack your knuckles... but see also, "genes."

Your church is screwed by unethical contractors. Sin, perhaps, but they are not the devil.

You are tempted to sin. See "biology", "addiction," "compulsion," and "choice."
You gain weight. See "genes."

You die. The Human Race: still an exit-toll.

You lose your hair. DHT, I think it's called.

You lose your house. Did you read the fine print...? It may be unfair. I'm sure it's inconvenient and even tragic. It's not the devil.

You are in an accident. Vehicles obey physical laws, not supernatural ones.

You levitate. The devil is not attacking you, he's levitating you, for purposes best known to himself. I personally do not lift people five feet in the air in order to deceive them, but then, I'm not infernal.

Your head spins a 360 and you projectile vomit. Well, okay, maybe now.

You have no money. This is tragic. But it is not the devil, unless you work for him and he does not pay you.
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This timely post really did it for me. Probably because I recently saw a catholic refer to being under attack. And I dont even think she was a convert. Im pretty sure The Church doesnt teach the ATTACK! doctrine.